Growing Up Geeky: Verdict: this grass isn't greener

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Verdict: this grass isn't greener

As I left for work this morning Carina ran up behind me yelling, "no! Mommy gotta stay!" I looked into her big brown eyes and for the first time, felt regret at my decision to go back to work. Turning the key to lock the door on my way out was like twisting a knife into my heart as I could hear her on the other side calling, "Mommy!"

I guess I'm lucky that this didn't happen until work day #7, but for this and a few other reasons I'm feeling pretty certain that I don't want to continue full time after my contract is up in July. Part-time? Maybe. Part-time remote? Even better. I knew it would be hard to be away all day, but I didn't count on being exhausted all the time. On a nightly basis I'm fighting falling asleep right after dinner and succumbing to shut eyelids before 10 PM. Then up again at 6 AM. Rinse. Repeat.

Is it Friday yet?

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Nicole · 624 weeks ago

This is my greatest fear about going back to work. ((HUGE HUGS))
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1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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Megan · 624 weeks ago

Are you going back for sure? //this is Megan R

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Megan · 624 weeks ago

that's why I love part-time. Still exhausting, just not as much.

1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

Yep I'm hoping they will be up for keeping me on as a part-timer. Right now they want as many hours as I can give since it's super busy. Blech.
My recent post Daffodils & my first week at work

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Christy · 624 weeks ago

I was off work for two years and going back was pretty much exactly the same for me. I feel like life is drowning me 24 / 7 and that a mental / emotional / physical meltdown is about to hit at anytime. There is no part time option in my line of work and husband says I can't quit my job. :(

1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

I'm so sorry to hear this, Momma. We can commiserate together.
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Sara · 624 weeks ago

Stay strong. I can only imagine this time is a challenge. It's amazing what you are doing for your family by taking this opportunity for these few months and it's nice that it is only temporary so you are able to already see an end in sight. You are incredible.
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sarahsheheartsit 19p · 624 weeks ago

Aww. Breaks my heart. I hope you are able to work part time in July.
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Karen W · 624 weeks ago

So sorry to hear this. Hope everything works out so you can find a good balance
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Erica Dee · 624 weeks ago

Yes, I couldn't get past my fear of this.. which is why I decided to stay a Stay At Home momma, but I must admit, I am looking forward to getting a part-time job once all the kids are in school full time. I need a life in the adult world.. and soon. lol
I hope the transition gets easier for all of you!!
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krista armywifestyle · 624 weeks ago

i hope it gets easier for you! im sure once your in a routine you won't be as tired!
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SarahL · 624 weeks ago

It's hard, but it gets better. Give yourself the full 3 months before you commit to a decision. 1 week is a drop in the bucket. It's good that you have the option to stay home, though, if that is what you want and if that's what you think is best for your family. (((((HUG)))))

1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

You're right. Already feeling better this week :)
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Karen · 624 weeks ago

I just started working parttime today and let me just say 6hrs of standing had me looking forward to going to bed but also dreading laying down because of my arthritis. Tomorrow is day 2 so another 6hr, maybe 8hr shift :(
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2 replies · active 624 weeks ago

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Karen · 624 weeks ago

I just want to stay home with the boys.
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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

Oh man, I'm sorry friend :(
My recent post Daffodils & my first week at work

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Lyndsey · 624 weeks ago

Working full time outside the home with a little one (or ones) is the most difficult thing!! I did it for almost two years and felt so mentally, physically and emotionally drained all the time! I felt stretched so thin and was afraid I was performing poorly both at work and at home. At work, all I could think about was my LO and all the things I needed an wanted to be doing at home. Then I went home and was too exhausted to do anything around the house. Last year we moved and now I only work 24 hrs/week and it's SO MUCH better!! It's taken us about four months to find a daycare that has worked our for our LO, but now he loves going to play with his buddies and I'm able to get out of the house a few days a week, while still having time at home with my son. It's hard, but hang in there!! It takes time to get your routine established. It will take a while for your daughter to get used to you being gone during the day. Just trust that it will get better with time!! (And if you have the opportunity to work part time, take it! ;))

1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

I'm so glad things are going well for you right now! I'm really hoping that part time will work out for us in a couple months :)
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BunkinMama 53p · 624 weeks ago

I am sorry today was so heartbreaking. I think every mom would love to be home to spend more time with little ones, but many moms work everyday. Moms and little ones adjust, they love each other just as much, and they live well.

It will be alright. And with all that, I would miss my girls so much too. Is it to soon to start a countdown?
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1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

Hahaha I might do a chain link countdown like we used to do in grade school, counting down to the summer! ;)
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Sarah Jane · 624 weeks ago

Thanks for this post. This is one reason why I stay at home. Yes, I could make $20,000+ more than my husband, but he prefers to work outside the home, and I prefer to stay at home. Hope it gets better.
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@DayintheLife2 · 624 weeks ago

I hope everything can work out for you this summer! It's sooo hard to find that good balance and to find a boss willing to give it to you too. I love working part time. It's like the best of both worlds. Hard to make less income work but worth it.
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@Shannon1782 · 624 weeks ago

I think a lot of times us stay-at-home moms forget about the exhaustion factor of working (even if the work is not physical). It's not JUST the being away from the kids for 8+ hours daily, it's the not being at home all day to do all the little chores which now have to be done all at once in the evenings, it's the starting dinner later because we aren't at home to begin chopping vegetables at 4:30, it's the getting stuff ready for work the next day that takes up time in the evenings, it's needing some time to destress if you have the type of job that gets you wound up or anxious, it's the whole "wooooork, home, sleep, wooooork, home, sleep" cycle, and so on. While I know I will miss my kids terribly when I return to work (most likely, later this year), it's all THAT stuff that scares me the most. I hope you can find a balance that works for you guys!
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1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

I confess, 3 nights so far we have just gotten pizza delivered because we were too exhausted to cook. I need to start meal planning better for sure.
My recent post Living for the weekends

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@MeganStilley · 624 weeks ago

It seems as though you got a really good deal to find this out. Only three months and then you can decide to stay home or do part time. Better than going back full time, no contract and having to figure out what to do.
Being a SAHM is not easy, but I have always thought working moms have it harder. From not ever having enough time, guilt of not seeing their kids enough, etc.

1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

Agreed. I am so lucky to have found such a flexible position!
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kat9365 60p · 624 weeks ago

yeah..... those times are tough :(
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newmomintheburbs · 624 weeks ago

I agree it is very very tiring! I was called in to help(part-time - it was a do-or-die situation!) 6 weeks after I gave birth - the only way I did it was because I could leave my baby for a few hours with my mom who was staying with us! With time it gets easier as in the "tired" feeling and not getting a second for yourself never goes away and neither does the guilt (especially when your child wants to sleep in) but you kind of get used to it. If you get a chance grab "Lean in" by Sheryl Sandberg do read it - although I don't agree with all of it, a lot of points are good! One thing I will say is don't do everything by yourself. Ask for help! If you parents offer to help - let them. Let your husband do the dishes - it doesn't matter if they don't go in the dishwasher exactly the way you want them to. I always felt like I was sinking when I tried to do it all by myself! Its fine if my husband orders Pizza and we all sit and eat it in front of the TV the evening I need to be at work till 7 because I have deadlines - it won't scar your kids for life! Just don't set rules in stone - sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. Two pieces of advice my mom gave me (she is a very successful business owner, kind of a socialite being the wife of a pretty important person(my dad) and a great mom and friend) 1. Pick your battles - you cannot always have everything your way - its best to let go of the not so important things - as long as you are not harming your family and yourself - its all good! (Would the people in a war zone care that their kids hadn't finished the amazing broccoli bake you made for them?) and 2. Never make a decision when you are angry, sad or tired - always sleep on it and make your final decision when you are calm, looking at yourself in the mirror and feel it is the right thing to do. This has really helped me :) It gets easier - and at the end of the day you get to see your angels smiling at you no matter how they were in the morning - right?
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1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll have to check it out!
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themamayears 30p · 624 weeks ago

Hugs to you - sometimes it is good to get this little perspective but I agree it can be so so hard! Hooray for only having to do it for 3 months and then you can get back to your happy cocoon :) And look - already a week down!

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SarahEvans 100p · 624 weeks ago

It is really hard to be a working mom. Like really really hard. However, even if you only do this for three months and decide that you don't want to work anymore, give yourself more than seven days. It's amazing what finding the right rhythm and routine can do.

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Erin · 624 weeks ago

Oh no! I was hoping this moment wouldn't come for you! Jackson still clings to me when I drop him off at daycare even though he should be a seasoned pro at this daycare thing. Hang in there mama, I have no doubt Carina still had an awesome day with her Nanny. I've stayed to spy on Jackson many times as my heart broke after leaving him and you know what? Not two minutes later he is totally fine every single time

Last but not least, now that your a working mama I can share our survival secret with you....it's coffee. Yep, every mom's survival necessity, just more of it ;)

1 reply · active 624 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 624 weeks ago

Hahaha I'm already at like, 4-5 cups a day! Mostly decaf, though ;)
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megew8 1p · 624 weeks ago

I'm so sorry, friend! I have no words of advice. I only hope that July comes quickly for you and you are able to easily make a decision for what to do next!

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Holly G · 624 weeks ago

As a nanny, I can tell you that her reaction will get better. The first couple weeks are always the hardest. And then, randomly, they may have times where they regress and don't want you to leave again. It's totally natural and normal. But, it doesn't stop it from tugging at your heart strings.

By the way, I'm a nanny because after working the first 9 months of my daughter's life part time, I knew I had to find a different way to help support the family and still be with her (and now my second daughter). You will find your way; whether it be full-time, part-time, remote part time or something else entirely!

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Sarah · 624 weeks ago

It will get easier but it's never going to be easy. My girls are constantly asking why I can't quit and stay home :( Because you know, according to them, I can just go into the bank and get $ whenever I want. Isn't that what banks are for?
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SugarNSpiceLife 24p · 624 weeks ago

WAHM is the best. I'm So tired at the end of the day, but I love that I get to be with my girls all day and still make some extra cash.
I hope you are able to make it through without to much heartache, I can't even imagine.
It will be over sooner than later.
Hang tight.

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rhodybloggersforgood 13p · 624 weeks ago

It is DRAINING, physically, mentally, emotionally. It's hard. Hugs mama. I'm right there with you.

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Angela · 623 weeks ago

Finding the balance I feel is one of the hardest things about motherhood in the beginning. I ve been trying to find it for over a year now with two little ones at home. It s definitely the most mentally, exhausting thing I have experienced.
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