Don't think I'm cut out for this...

Growing up I was never certain of the career path I wanted to take. Even now, at 28 I'm still not sure what I want to do for the rest of my life. The only thing I've always known? That I wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom.

Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to admit that after getting my wish for almost a year now, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not cut out for it.

I was feeling this way back in November, shortly before Mike defended his thesis back in Wisconsin. I thought it was just a situational thing, with Mike's long hours and the seemingly endless packing. I did feel better for a while shortly after the move to Connecticut, but then Carina's failure to thrive issues and the oh-so-welcome pregnancy-induced fatigue began to take much of the joy out of my days. It became {and still is} a constant struggle trying to get her to eat. At this point? I'm so tired I don't have the energy to chase her around with food or get down on the floor and play with her. I feel like a lousy Mommy most of the time.

How all this makes me feel

So...I'm entertaining the idea of returning to work shortly after Aurelia arrives. My non-compete agreement from my old job expires in two months and I've been getting quite a few calls from recruiters. I have even had some promising interview calls. I'm hoping to find something part-time, but there doesn't seem to be much in my field that allows that. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.

I wish I could be happy being at home, and I feel like a failure that I can't :(