Growing Up Geeky: Am I going to regret this?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Am I going to regret this?

For Carina's birthday last week we went to Enchanted Village and opened presents with my parents. On Christmas day {after Christmas was celebrated, of course} we had a small celebration with M's family during which Carina tried cake for the first time. Other than sticking her finger in the frosting and attempting to paint her face with it, she really wasn't all that interested in it. So, it's not like her birthday wasn't celebrated at all. On two separate occasions we toasted to her {with adult beverages} and sang Happy Birthday.

With that said, I am now going to confess ::breathe in:: that I canceled her big Winter ONEderland First Birthday Party before I even started planning it. ::breathe out::

And I feel awful about it. I see almost every Mom I know planning these amazing parties with creative themes, extravagant decorations, mouth watering food, fun games, and more. I thought I would be one of those Moms. I created an entire Pinterest board devoted to ideas for Carina's party. I thought I would relish the planning and look forward to picking out special things with which to adorn our new home. But when it came time to actually start the planning, I found that I just...couldn't...do it.

So the party is off. No adorable pink penguins or a perfect igloo cake. No polar bear cake pops or snow flake cookies. And you know what? I'm okay with it.

We just moved. Then we spent almost 2 weeks away from home visiting family. I've had so many other things on my mind...a grandiose and {likely} expensive party just doesn't fit in right now. We're still unpacking, money is tight, we had two small family celebrations, and Carina won't know the difference at this age.

My only worry is that I might regret it in the future.

I'm not getting a big party and I'll cry if I want to

What did you do for your child's first birthday? Did anyone else skip a party?

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Comments (31)

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Kelley · 690 weeks ago

I'm wondering what I'm going to do for Brixton's first birthday. Hire Cirque du Soleil performers? Make a gigantic cake where a teddy bear springs out of it and starts tap dancing? No. I can't compete with other ueber-performing mom bloggers. It's probably going to look more like some balloons and a homemade Happy Birthday banner.

The only thing you should regret is having any thoughts of regret! Look what you've been through the past month!! You've been amazing.

1 reply · active 690 weeks ago

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MamaGeeky 100p · 690 weeks ago

Bahahaha awesome. I swear it is borderline ridiculous what some people have planned for their one-year-old's parties.

And thank you :)

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Katie · 690 weeks ago

You really won't. And, bonus, since you saved yourself all the effort this year, you'll have that much more energy and motivation to plan a party Carina's old enough to remember. My mom didn't go all out for my 1st birthday, but she did for my 5th, and it's one of my most treasured childhood memories.

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Kristin · 690 weeks ago

I had a relatively big party for Abbie, but slightly scaled down. I really wanted a gorgeous cake from an upscale bakery, but just did a cute one from Roche Brothers instead. I couldn't rationalize the cost. I made a couple banners, did a candyland theme. No Etsy paper straws here. lol It was cute, but not over the top.

However, my circumstances are entirely different than yours. I never would have been able to do it with a cross country move happening at the same time, not to mention holidays and visiting family. It would have been way too stressful. You did what was best for your family, and I'm sure it was perfect. Have no regrets, Mama!

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Karen · 690 weeks ago

For Tristan's 1st birthday, I made baked ravioli (that was what was decided on by my best friend lol) for dinner (which at that point the only people there were me, Chris, Tristan, my best friend, her girlfriend, and her 2 kids). We had a Wall-E cake from the store and a small chocolate cake for Tristan. For the party the kids just played while adults talked, then cake, and opening presents. Maybe when he's older I'll try and give him a huge party but right now he's 2 and we don't have many people to invite.

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Angie M · 690 weeks ago

Don't let mom-petition get the best of you. It sounds like Carina had great Birthday celebrations with those who mean the most to her. We didn't do anything special for C's birthday, either. We had 2 small parties with family. I made some photo collages and she wore a special outfit, but other than that, it was low-key and fun. For cake we just made cupcakes and she had just as much fun with that as she would have with a big cake. We chose to spend money on getting pro pics done for her 1-year instead. I would rather have that since she won't remember it. Afterward, I decoupaged a shoebox and am using that to put all her First Birthday stuff in: cards, invite, outfit, etc. It works for us. And I don't really feel guilty.
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Diana · 690 weeks ago

I don't think it's a big deal. Logan's birthday is at the end of March and I'm just going for a small family get together. There are a couple small things I want to get him, but he got so many toys for Christmas that I don't plan to get him much at all. We will have a birthday cake (homemade, probably a boxed mix *gasp*), maybe party hats for a photo or two, and that's about it.

I'm not crafty, I don't have any money laying around to use to fund a big party, and I don't have any close mom-friends or anything near where I live. Logan would be the only kid there. Even if I had time, money and a flair for detail, I'd probably throw the same party anyway.

Do you remember your first birthday party? Do your parents? I don't remember mine, nor do my parents, other than it was my birthday. I say save yourself the time, money, energy and stress and don't worry about it. You've done enough in the last month. Maybe do something small to mark the occasion and call it good.
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Natalie · 690 weeks ago

The party is mostly for the parents.

We will have one, but we also haven't moved recently and have very little going on outside of party planning.

You are not a bad mom. Just throw a really HUGE 16th birthday, she'll remember forever.

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JoAnna · 690 weeks ago

I'm more upset that I never thought of the Winter ONEderland idea! That is pretty awesome. But I know exactly what you are talking about. I started planning a huge Dr. Suess themed party for Oliver. I was so excited and was even Pinteresting in my sleep! Than I started to shop and found out that Dr. Suess items are pretty nonexsistant in the Party City and Party America world. So had to change my theme to Sesame Street just because the colors matched all of the Dr. Suess colored crap I already bought. As more party planning continued, so did the stress of who to invite and how are we going to fit all these people in our home happened. I just realized that party planning is not for me and I would much rather spend all that money on a great presant for Oliver, than on food and games and party favors for people that we only see once in a full moon. So now our party will just be a few people, a Big bird cake from King Soopers and a free smash cake from them as well. Maybe we will have some Ice cream to add to all the glory. Party planning is so time consuming, precious time that I really don't have.

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@MeganStilley · 690 weeks ago

Don't be to hard on yourself. I won't be having a big party for Leland's first either. I have witnessed too many 1st birthday parties where the moms out do themselves and get upset for the child not being as excited or not having the attention span for it. So I would rather enjoy a low key cake smash and not put too much pressure on him. There will be many more birthdays where he will actually care to participate down the road. :)

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Carolyn · 690 weeks ago

I've never really understood the POINT of having a first birthday party at all - the baby won't remember it! It's a party for the parents, anyhow ("Yay, we didn't kill our baby" party?) so if you don't feel up to it, then don't do it! We might have a barbeque for our baby's first birthday, but mostly because it's a holiday weekend, my parents are coming to visit, and it's just a convenient time to invite people over to hang out. But that's what we'll tell people, "Come hang out, we're gonna eat food, Nathan will be 1, but let's play some games!" ;)
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SarahL77 · 690 weeks ago

Oh, I have an extravagant Pinterest board going, for sure. But my budget and ability to handle the stress of party planning/hosting will keep Nora's 1st birthday much smaller than my Pinerest board would lead people to believe lol.

No guilt, Momma. I've seen pics from my 1st birthday. It was in my parents' small 2 bedroom apartment with a cake, some party hats, and a few close friends and family. I think, in spite of their obvious neglect, (insert sarcastic emoticon here) I turned out a-ok.

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sandy · 690 weeks ago

nah! We are passing on the big 1st birthday party too! Cake and ice cream with our immediate family the few days before and I will get him some balloons since he thinks they are pretty neat to punch around these days. You won't regret it, but instead you have all the rest of Carina's parties to plan and look forward to.

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Phase Three of Life · 690 weeks ago

In my opinion, if there's going to be a year where it's too crazy to do something extravagant, this is the year. Make it up to her by throwing her a super awesome 16th birthday party (by normal people standards, not by "super sweet 16" standards, of course). She'll appreciate that WAY more than one she won't remember.

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Ronni 69p · 690 weeks ago

You won't regret it. You know what we did for Aidan's first? We took him to a toy store, let him pick out a toy (he picked out a broom and dustpan), then we went to eat dinner at Bob Evans. I got him a piece of cake there. It was understated, fun, and still special. :)

In fact, I've only thrown Aidan one party I believe. Most of them time, it's just him and us, a toy store, and a place of his choice for lunch or dinner. We didn't even have a cake this last birthday. He wanted little donuts!

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Jolene · 690 weeks ago

If it were up to me, we'd be having cake & ice cream with our immediate families (which is about 15 people on it's own). Unfortunately, Daddy feels the need to invite extended family & friends. Oh, and he doesn't want anyone to feel left out. Due to space constraints, we're renting a place to throw this party.

However, while it will be big, as in lots of people, it won't be big, as in extravagant. It will be a completely thrifty DIY party. I'm even throwing it in a time window during which I need not serve a full meal.

Next year, he's getting cake & ice cream with his grandparents, aunts & uncles & cousins at our house (which will be done by then). Daddy will just have to deal with it. :)

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Erin · 690 weeks ago

As long as you all celebrated together as a family, really that's all that matters. J's birthday is in March and I'm still in debate as to what to do. I would LOVE to have a big shin dig with all the fun details, but at the same time I feel like that would just make it more stressful. All I know is that I just want to enjoy that special day with my boy. If you did that, then I'd say Carina's first birthday was a win.
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Mindi 48p · 690 weeks ago

You are being way too hard on yourself! What matters is that you are together as a family and celebrating the first year of her life. No amount of snowflakes and penguins can top that. You guys have had HUGE transitions lately and why stress yourself out with more planning. If your feeling guilty not why do a small celebration for 18 months during the summer. A BBQ would be a lot of fun! We just had some family and friends over for Xander's first. I made him a cake, he smashed a piece in his face, there were some presents...very low key. I'm glad I didn't go over the top and plan a huge event because we had a HUGE blizzard here, which is very rare for the DC area.

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Heather · 690 weeks ago

I think your little "mini" celebrations are wonderful. Truly, a big, over the top, expensive party is over rated. I'm planning a tiny little trip and a tiny little family party for my soon-to-be-one baby. Grandparents, aunts and uncles and godparents ONLY. If we invited everyone who wanted to come I would have to rent a facility, seriously, and my baby, my husband and I would not enjoy any of it. Why spend money on something when it isn't going to be enjoyable? I think just family is best for a little baby (after all, at one, they are still babies). Save your energy and money for when she turns 16 and wants to be on MTV!!! :)

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Stephanie · 690 weeks ago

I don't think you'll really regret it and I don't think you should feel bad about it at all! We all know that birthday parties for kids that small are really for the parents! And while that's totally fine, you certainly shouldn't spend time, money, and energy planning a party you don't really want! I think you did the right thing by recognizing that it just wasn't what you wanted/needed to do right now with all the craziness of moving, the holidays, etc.

For DS's first birthday we did throw a party with family and very close friends. It was nothing huge though. A few streamers, a shirt for DS, some cupcakes and food. Definitely nothing over the top! And sadly I hardly have any photographic evidence of this. More importantly than HOW we celebrated, I just wish we had more pics of what we did on DS's first birthday to honor the day :(
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Allison · 690 weeks ago

Probably most of the fun was making the Pinterest board anyway :) You can always do an adorable winter-themed party for Carina (or just because!) some other time, even if it's just regular old winter wonderland and not "one"derland. Carina won't remember this birthday anyway, and you already took some super adorable pictures of her on her first birthday. I think you're set.

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Kristin · 690 weeks ago

We didn't have a crazy first birthday party for our daughter, either. I missed doing some of the crafty stuff, planning things, etc., but I did not miss the fact that I saved money and sanity. It just wasn't worth the fanfare - we celebrated with our families in small, casual gatherings in the weeks before Elle's birthday, and then we had an awesome day, with just the three of us, on her actual birthday. She isn't going to remember what we did/didn't do, and that's what I kept telling myself when I felt guilty for not having a big shindig. I think it's becoming a societal thing, where people think they have to pull out all the stops for the first birthday. We felt like if we invited friends they'd all feel obligated to bring gifts, and we didn't need/have space for anything else. We didn't have to worry about if she was going to be crabby or overwhelmed, didn't have to find a venue, buy food, etc. It was great. I'm very happy with how we celebrated Elle's birthday :)
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@TheMamaChaos · 690 weeks ago

We didn't do a big first birthday party for either of the boys and I definitely don't regret it. Save all the work for on she'll be old enough to appreciate.

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@ourgrowgarden · 690 weeks ago

well it sounds like she did have a small party so it's not like you didn't do ANYTHING. I think as long as you are happy with your decision and got your cake pictures, then it is totally fine not to do anything else. Especially if she doesn't have any other baby friends yet. I think it's great that you know when to cut yourself some slack. Birthday party planning is a pain in the arse and you just had some major life events. I think C already knows how much she is loved and no amount of party supplies and decorations would change that ;)

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Little Gray Pixel · 690 weeks ago

I doubt you (or Carina) will regret it in the future. I think my parents put a cupcake on my high chair and blew out a candle for me on my first birthday. I'm not scarred.

As for Alexa's first birthday, I'm going to attempt a few little things to make me feel like I put in a little effort, but the true story is it'll just be us and a few of our adult friends (maybe my dad if we're lucky), so we're going to fire up the grill and cut into some cake and maybe play with her gifts a little.
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MamaGeeky 100p · 690 weeks ago

It's so great to hear what you all did for your kid(s) birthdays. And thank you, I think you all said what I needed to hear :)

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Amy · 690 weeks ago

I did a big party for Olivia's 1st and I regret it. I was so busy running around, getting food ready, making sure everything was good to go, that I missed my little girls party for the most part.
My plan for Alex's party is a small family only dinner. That way I can enjoy every minute of her eating cake and singing Happy Birthday.

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Ameriah Sink · 690 weeks ago

You won't regret it. You made the decision that is best for your family. He birthday was celebrated and you got some wonderful pictures!

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xiotissa · 690 weeks ago

You posted this on my son's first birthday. And I was worried about the same thing.

We invited my parents, my husband's godmother, my son's "adopted" godparents, and the 2 little girls across the street who adore my boy (and vice versa!). Since he was born on King's Day, and we live in New Orleans, we got a king cake for the grown ups and a Saints-themed cupcake for him. So he didn't even have a real birthday cake!

But after reading through your post and the comments already posted here, I realized some other things. I got to watch him almost explode with excitement when we all sang to him. I got to be front row when he smooshed his cupcake all the way from his hair to his toes. I was present and involved. And I got to enjoy the whole night rather than running around being the hostess. At the end of the night (and a prolonged bath), everyone was happy rather than exhuasted or overwhelmed.

So in the end, maybe it was a pretty groovy birthday after all?

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amandakscoggins 6p · 671 weeks ago

I did the same thing, just teeny tiny mom dad and an uncle celebration. Our family lives far away and I don't know I just couldn't bring myself to plan a big party for a little one who really wouldn't notice either. I think if you love party planning have fun I guess, but I got the messy cake pictures (my girl was totally interested in the cake by the way, she double handed it like a cheeseburger and didn't breathe until the whole piece was gone!) and she had more than enough gifts sent from relatives and from me (thats another thing I am not in a hurry to start the massive amounts of toys she won't play with piling up), end the end it was enough for me and certainly enough for her :) I don't think those of us who don't want to plan huge parties for one year olds should feel guilted into it, just say no to mom guilt!

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pinkbears 72p · 644 weeks ago

I know I'm a year late on this, but I was wondering what your thoughts are for B'day #2, now that you HAVE moved, and your situation is a bit different? Clara's b'day is 2 weeks before Xmas, and for her first I planned a BIG deal (we have 70+ people on the list of family and friends that we can't NOT invite) and she was cranky the whole day. She also got a ton of gifts - and then a ton more two weeks later... So this year, we are starting a new tradition - no gifts or parties on B'days - we might have a family dinner someplace nice (more applicable when she actually enjoys restaurants), or take her on a special shopping trip or something, but we're encouraging friends and family to expect a 'B'day party' for her in June (her half-birthday). We also found that in about June of last year, some more age-appropriate toys would have been nice, since she'd largely outgrown all of the gifrts she'd gotten for her birthday.
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