"I'm not pregnant, but hello, how are you?"

Advice from my family on trying to conceive:

"Just relax and it will happen."

"You're thinking about it too much."

Last, (but certainly not least): "Just fvck your brains out."

I just kind of stood there with my mouth agape as my MOTHER told me to just eff my brains out. Mom...GROSS! And frustrating! Who out there doesn't wish it were that easy? Just go eff your brains out and bam you'll be pregnant...thanks Mom.

My parents got lucky - literally. They got pregnant their first month trying for me and my two sisters. My sister got pregnant the second cycle off of birth control for her first, and the cycle after her first post-partum period with her second. They just don't understand what it's like for it not to happen right away. They looked at me like I had two heads when I told them I was charting. "Why?" they asked, "but that sounds like so much work." After I assured them it only took me one minute to put a thermometer in my mouth and wait for it to beep, they moved on to talking about my sister's current pregnancy. Lovely.

I love my family dearly but I've had to ask them to just stop. It was getting to the point that when I'd call to say hello I'd have to preface my calls with "I'm not pregnant, but hello how are you?" Don't they get it that they're not helping?

I'm off to eff my brains out.